Common Dialogue Mistakes (And How To Avoid Them)

Gary Smailes | 7 November 2025

Purpose-Driven Dialogue (Not Filler)

Every line earns rent. If a scene warms up with greetings and weather, readers feel it and drift. Start where need collides with resistance.

Here is the stall:

• “Hey.”
• “Hi.”
• “How was work?”
• “Long. You?”
• “Fine. So, about the safe…”

Start here instead:

• “Where is the safe key?”
• “Why?”
• “You moved it.”

Same characters. Less yawn.

Cut throat-clearing

Most first passes include pleasantries, repeats, and rephrased info. Trim to the pressure point. Keep what raises stakes or reveals character. Lose the rest.

Before:

• “Hi, listen, I wanted to ask if you might, I mean, if you have a minute, can we discuss the memo you sent this morning?”
• “Sure, of course, what about it?”

After:

• “About your memo.”
• “What’s wrong with it?”

Shorter lines create heat. Then the real conversation starts.

Mini-exercise: delete the first two lines of a scene. Read what remains. If the scene still makes sense, keep the cut.

Avoid on-the-nose lines

Readers do not need “I am angry because you embarrassed me.” They need evidence. Show the emotion through choices, beats, and the words chosen.

Before:

• “I am angry because you took my idea.”

After:

• “You pitched my app.”
• “Our app.”
• “Your name on the slide.”

We feel the anger without a label.

Another before:

• “I am worried about money.”

After:

• “Rent is due Friday.” She counts the tips twice. “We stretch pasta to Monday.”

Facts, not labels.

Break speeches with pressure

Long monologues with no pushback flatten pace. Even a smart speech needs friction from the other person or the room.

Before:

• “I have been thinking about leadership, and I believe we need to restructure the team by creating pods that align to product streams, and in addition we should adopt a new sprint cadence, and the board expects results by Q3, and I will need everyone to give one hundred and ten percent.”

After:

• “We restructure into pods,” Dane said.
• “Pods.” Mia leaned back. “So who loses a chair?”
• “No one loses a chair.”
• “Board wants Q3 results.” She tapped the calendar. “You plan to do this in eight weeks?”
• He rubbed his jaw. “We shift cadence. Twice-weekly sprints.”

Pushback shapes the speech. Stakes surface. Tension rises without shouting.

Mini-exercise: find a block of eight lines from one speaker. Insert two objections, one question, and one physical beat from the listener. Watch the speech tighten.

Give each speaker a goal

Purpose drives every exchange. Write one sentence for the scene: By the end, A must get B from C. Every line either advances or resists that aim.

Example objective: By the end, Nina must get the server password from Tom.

Draft, purposeful:

• “The server threw an error at midnight,” Nina said. “Password.”
• “I reset it.”
• “Good. What is it now?”
• “Temporary. I will email it.”
• She opened a folder. “Audit starts in an hour.”
• “Then tell them to wait.”
• “Password, Tom.”

Each line pushes or blocks. No small talk needed.

Try a mark-up. Next to each line, write a plus for push, a minus for resist, or a zero for neutral. Zeros go. Pluses and minuses stay. If a zero hides subtext, rewrite until it carries weight.

Compress real speech

Real talk wanders. On the page, compress without losing tone.

Before:

• “Well, um, I think we should, like, get going, because the parking lot fills up fast, you know, and then we will have to park on the street, which is far.”

After:

• “We should go. The lot fills up. Street parking is far.”

If a character leans on fillers for voice, keep one, not five. One “um” signals nerves. Five signals padding.

End lines early

Hint and move on. Trust the reader to connect.

Before:

• “I was going to tell you about the baby tonight at dinner, but then you got that phone call, and it seemed like a bad time, so I decided to wait, and now you are leaving on a trip.”

After:

• “Dinner was for news.”
• “News?”
• “You took a call.”
• “I had to.”
• “So I waited. And now you’re leaving.”

Another approach:

• “I bought a test.”
• He stared at the sink. “Positive?”
• She folded the receipt. “I bought a test.”

Repeat the key line and let silence do work.

Mini-exercise: rewrite three lines by cutting the last clause. Keep the strongest word at the end. Read aloud. Hear the snap.

Keep pressure visible

Purpose-driven dialogue tilts toward a decision. Readers should feel a clock, a risk, or a trade in play.

Flat:

• “What are you doing here?”
• “Saying hi.”
• “Hi.”

With pressure:

• “What are you doing here?”
• “Your landlord called me.”
• “Rent.”
• “Five days.”

Now the scene has a fuse.

Action step

Write your scene objective on a sticky note: By the end, A must get B from C. Read the scene line by line. Mark each line with a plus for push, a minus for resist, or a zero for neutral. Delete zeros or rewrite them into plus or minus. Cut greetings, repeats, and rephrased info. Trim speeches with questions or objections. End two lines sooner than you think.

One last test. Start the scene three beats later. Does the spine still hold? Good. Keep the cut. Your pages move faster, and readers stay hooked.

Clean Mechanics: Tags, Beats, and Punctuation

Good dialogue reads clean. You forget about how it is written because the voices pull you through. That happens when the mechanics are invisible and correct.

Stop decorating your tags

Creative tags announce effort. They also explain what the line should already show.

Weak:

• “Leave,” he opined coldly.
• “That is not true,” she hissed angrily.

Stronger:

• “Leave,” he said. He zipped his coat.
• “That is not true,” she said. Her jaw locked.

Default to said and asked. They vanish. If the emotion is not clear without an adverb, the problem sits in the line or the beat, not the tag.

Quick fix exercise:

• Replace every fancy tag with said or asked.
• Move the emotion into an action beat or the wording of the line.

Actions are not tags

A smile does not speak. Neither does a shrug. Do not use them as tags.

Wrong:

• “I missed you,” she smiled.
• “Sure,” he shrugged.

Right:

• She smiled. “I missed you.”
• “Sure,” he said. He shrugged.

If a line has a tag, punctuate for a tag. If it has an action beat, punctuate for a sentence.

Use action beats to anchor and reveal

Beats show bodies and setting. They carry subtext and keep us oriented.

Floating voices:

• “You took the files?”
• “No.”
• “Then who did?”

Grounded:

• “You took the files?” Lena kept her voice low.
• “No.” Tom slid the drawer shut with his hip.
• “Then who did?” She watched his hand pause on the key.

Keep the beat in the same paragraph as the speaker. Separate them and readers misattribute.

Confusing:

• “I will go first,” Maya said.
• He picked up the glass.
• “Fine.”

Clear:

• “I will go first,” Maya said.
• He picked up the glass.
• “Fine,” he said.

One speaker per paragraph

New speaker, new paragraph. This rule saves readers. Break it and your scene turns to static.

Muddled:

• “Sit down,” Carla said. “No,” Dan said. “You need to listen.”

Clean:

• “Sit down,” Carla said.
• “No,” Dan said.
• “You need to listen.”

If a line runs long, still give the reply its own paragraph. The eye needs that white space.

Punctuation that does not fight you

• With a tag, use a comma inside the quotes.
  • “I know,” she said.
• With a question mark or exclamation point, skip the comma.
  • “You knew?” he asked.
  • “Stop!” she said.
• With a full sentence after an action beat, use a period.
  • He folded the map. “We take the river road.”
• Keep dialogue punctuation inside the quotes in US style.
• Be consistent with single and double quotes based on your market.

Interruptions and trailing off:

• Use an ellipsis to show a thought fading.
  • “I thought we were safe…”
• For a sharp cut, write the cut as a beat or a second speaker butted in.
  • “I thought you said” She raised a hand. “Stop.”
  • “I was going to tell you”
  • “Tell me now.”

Use ellipses sparingly. One or two in a scene, not a snowstorm.

Balance tags and beats

You do not need a tag on every line. You do need enough cues to avoid confusion. Mix said and asked with beats.

Example with balance:

• “You called me,” Jonah said.
• Priya checked the door. “You did not answer my texts.”
• “I was driving.”
• “You were at the bar.” She held up his receipt. “I need the truth.”

Only two tags. Two beats. No drift.

A fast audit you can run

• Scan a scene and mark each attribution type.
  • Action beats: a line of behavior attached to the speaker.
  • Tags: said or asked.
  • Descriptive tags: anything like whispered, snarled, murmured. Use sparingly.
• Aim for roughly 40 to 60 percent action beats, 30 to 50 percent said or asked, and less than 10 percent descriptive tags. You do not need math perfection. You need clarity and flow.
• In the same pass, fix punctuation. Commas inside quotes with tags. Question and exclamation marks replace the comma. Break any paragraph that holds two speakers.

Common cleanups in revision

• Swap “he smiled” tags for either said or a beat.
• Trim adverbs on tags. Replace with a precise verb in the beat, or sharper wording in the line.
• Add a beat every few exchanges to ground bodies and space.
• Put beats with the correct speaker. If a beat belongs to Maya, it lives in Maya’s paragraph.
• Re-tag any run of lines where a reader could lose track. One said can steady the scene.

Mechanics are not fancy. They are trustworthy. Get them right, and your characters carry the page without tripping over quotation marks.

Exposition Dumps and “As-You-Know, Bob”

Readers feel the lecture the second a scene stops to explain. Dialogue turns into a classroom. Stakes go flat. You lose momentum.

The “as you know” problem

Two characters recap shared history for the reader. No friction. No reason to speak those lines in life.

Weak:

• “As you know, Captain, our oxygen scrubbers hold twelve hours of air, the hull took damage near the comet, and command denied our request for evac.”

Stronger:

• “Abort at eight hours,” Rhee said.
• “We hold twelve,” Park said.
• “Hull cracks near the ports. You want to find out how long those last?”

Same data. Now tied to a decision and a disagreement.

Try this on your draft:

• Search for “as you know,” “like you remember,” and similar warm-ups.
• Cut the phrase.
• Give one speaker a reason to hide, shade, or push the info.

Q&A that solves homework, not problems

One character asks a perfect set of questions. The other recites backstory with no friction.

Flat:

• “What happened in 1998?”
• “Dad lost his job at the mill, we moved, and I never forgave him.”

Give the question an angle. Give the answer a cost.

Engaged:

• “Why refuse the reunion?” Lila said.
• “The mill closed that year.”
• “Plenty of people still show up.”
• “Dad ran the last shift. Folks remember.”

Now history shapes a choice in the present. Subtext fills the gaps.

Lore speeches with no stakes

Long lectures stall a scene. Readers tune out, even if the lore matters later. Fold information into conflict or a task.

Lecture:

• “Long before our order formed, the First Mother wrote thirteen rules, which—”
• “Stop, Master,” Jun said. “The door lock is burning.”

Active reveal:

• Jun pressed a palm to the metal. Heat bit skin. “Rule one?”
• “Survive the test,” the Master said, and started on the wards.

Same worldbuilding. Now tied to danger and action.

Make information costly

Useful data should come with pushback, misunderstanding, or negotiation. No one hands over leverage for free.

• Disagreement:
  • “Who owns the ledger?”
  • “No ledger exists.”
  • “Then why hire guards for the attic?”
• Misinterpretation:
  • “The red mark means danger.”
  • “No, red means debt. Purple means danger.”
• Negotiation:
  • “Names first.”
  • “Payment first.”

Each line reveals, resists, or warps knowledge. The reader tracks both the info and the power shift.

Mini-exercise:

• Pick one exposition-heavy scene.
• Rewrite the reveal as a trade. One ask, one price, one refusal, one concession.

Drip context through the world

Readers learn fast from objects, clothes, and scars. Use the room. Use the body. Use the task at hand.

• “You still wear the badge,” Nora said.
• He turned the cap. The academy crest had a crack through the year.
• “You told me to burn those,” she said, touching the puckered line along her collarbone.
• He set a clipped article on the table. The headline showed in half: Council Votes No.

No lecture. Clues land inside behavior. The reader assembles the picture.

Spread revelations across scenes

Big dumps breed skimming. Split the load. Seed a partial answer, then correct, then pay off.

Pass one, a hint:

• “The lock uses three tones,” Ari said. “High, low, high.”

Pass two, a correction:

• “Wrong panel,” Mei said. “That order flips on older doors.”

Payoff under pressure:

• Sirens rose. Ari tapped the new sequence. The bolt popped.

Each beat delivers one useful thing, and each lands when pressure climbs.

Move info where dialogue does not serve

Some data belongs in narrative or a quick line outside quotes. If two characters would never speak a fact aloud, do not force them.

• Summary line:
  • The flood maps covered three blocks, not two.
• Interior thought:
  • He knew the knife carried fingerprints from three arrests.
• Labeling an object:
  • A shipping tag read, FIRST EDITION. DATE: 1891.

Clean and brief, no fake exchange required.

Questions with agendas, not homework prompts

Replace “tell me everything” with a question that pushes a goal.

• Homework prompt:
  • “What happened to the dragons?”
• Agenda:
  • “How many dragons remain under your command?”
  • “Name the rider who survived.”

The second pair drives a decision and narrows the scope of info.

Checklist for each expository line

Keep a line when one of these applies:

• Someone fights over the fact.
• A choice depends on the fact.
• A consequence fires because of the fact.

If none of those apply, relocate or cut. Your reader will thank you.

Quick before-and-after

Before:

• “As you know, Professor, the vault opens only with a blood key, which responds to heirs of the first line. The last heir died in the siege.”

After:

• “The vault opens to first blood,” the Professor said.
• “The last heir died,” Mara said.
• “An heir lives,” he said. “You.”

Shorter. Sharper. Stakes attached to a person in the room.

Action step

Highlight every expository line. Keep a line only when one of these applies: contested, forces a decision, triggers a consequence. Move every other line to setting cues or narrative, or delete. Then read again for flow. If a paragraph still smells like a lecture, split the reveal and add resistance.

Flat, Stilted, or Overdone Voices

Your characters sound like they attended the same finishing school. They use identical vocabulary, speak in matching rhythms, and share your personal quirks of syntax. Readers notice. They lose track of who's talking without dialogue tags.

Everyone sounds like the author

Writers fall into their own patterns. Sentence length. Word choice. Humor style. Pet phrases. All your characters inherit these tics.

Here's the test: cover the names in your dialogue. Read the lines. If you struggle to identify the speaker, you have voice cloning.

Take these lines:

• "I suppose we should consider the ramifications of this decision."
• "Perhaps we ought to examine the consequences more thoroughly."
• "One might argue that further deliberation would prove beneficial."

Three characters, one vocabulary. All formal. All hesitant. All you.

Now try:

• "This'll bite us," Maya said.
• "Run the numbers first," Chen said.
• "Daddy won't like it," Becca said.

Same concern. Three distinct voices. Three different relationships to authority and risk.

Stiff, formal syntax kills natural flow

Real people use contractions. They drop words. They interrupt themselves. They speak in fragments when emotion runs high.

Stilted:

• "I cannot believe you would do such a thing to me."

Natural:

• "You did this to me."

Or even:

• "To me. You did this to me."

Emotion fractures speech. Anger shortens it. Fear repeats key words. Let the character's state bleed into their syntax.

Phonetic dialect backfires

Heavy accent spelling slows readers down. It draws attention to the mechanics instead of the meaning. One or two signature phrases work better than phonetic overhaul.

Overdone:

• "Ah reckon y'all dun seen 'nough trouble fer one day, ain't ya?"

Readable but still distinct:

• "Figure you seen enough trouble for one day, right?"

The rhythm and word choice carry the voice. The reader hears the accent without fighting through the spelling.

Build a voice profile for each character

Before writing dialogue, know these elements for each speaker:

Vocabulary level: Does this character say "angry" or "pissed" or "vexed"?

Sentence structure: Long, winding thoughts or short bursts?

Metaphor source: A mechanic thinks in engine parts. A teacher thinks in lesson plans.

Taboo topics: What does this character avoid saying directly?

Status tells: How do they speak to authority versus subordinates?

Filler words: "Like," "you know," "obviously," "listen"—each character gets different crutches.

Example profiles:

Maya (street cop):

• Vocabulary: Direct, some profanity, police jargon
• Structure: Short sentences under stress
• Metaphors: Sports, military
• Taboo: Her father's drinking
• Status: Challenges up, protective down
• Filler: "Look" to start tough conversations

Chen (data analyst):

• Vocabulary: Precise, technical, hedging words
• Structure: Dependent clauses, qualifiers
• Metaphors: Statistics, probability
• Taboo: Personal relationships
• Status: Defers to experience, impatient with emotion
• Filler: "Actually" when correcting others

Let emotion and status change the voice

Characters don't speak the same way in all situations. Anger strips away politeness. Shame adds hesitation. Power lets someone interrupt more.

Maya confident:

• "Run the plates. Check the alibi. We got him."

Maya rattled:

• "The plates, did you... check them? And the alibi thing?"

Chen addressing his boss:

• "The data suggests a correlation, but I'd want to verify the sample size."

Chen talking to an intern:

• "This is wrong. Start over."

Same characters. Different emotional states and power dynamics reshape their speech patterns.

Suggest accent through word choice and rhythm

Instead of phonetic spelling, use:

Word choice: "Might could" instead of "might be able to." "Fixin' to" instead of "about to."

Sentence rhythm: Some regions favor longer, circular stories. Others cut straight to the point.

Idioms: Regional expressions that feel natural to the character's background.

Grammar patterns: Dropping "g" endings occasionally. Using "seen" instead of "saw." But sparingly.

A light touch beats heavy-handed phonetics every time.

Status tells in dialogue

Characters reveal their relationship to power through speech patterns:

High status:

• Interrupts others
• States opinions as facts
• Uses short, direct sentences
• Avoids hedging words

Low status:

• Asks permission to speak
• Hedges with "maybe," "perhaps," "I think"
• Uses longer explanations
• Apologizes frequently

Shifting status:

• Watch for moments when power changes hands mid-conversation

The highlighter test

Print a scene. Use different colored highlighters for each character. Highlight all their dialogue. Now read each color separately.

Do the voices sound distinct? Could you identify the speaker without seeing the color?

If not, go back to your voice profiles. Push the differences harder.

Common voice mistakes to avoid

The exposition voice: When characters deliver backstory, they all sound like narrators. Keep the personality even during info dumps.

The wisdom voice: Sage advice often sounds identical across characters. Let their background and biases color their guidance.

The anger voice: All your characters use the same profanity patterns and rhythm when mad. Differentiate their fury.

Quick voice fixes

Add a signature phrase: One expression each character uses that no one else does.

Vary sentence length: Give each character a preferred rhythm. Some speak in bursts. Others ramble.

Choose different curse words: Or avoid them entirely for some characters.

Use different ways to say yes and no: "Yeah," "Sure," "Absolutely," "You bet," "Uh-huh," "Right," "Okay."

Before and after examples

Before (everyone sounds the same):

• "I believe we should proceed with caution," Tom said.
• "I agree. This situation requires careful consideration," Sarah said.
• "Yes, we must think about the potential consequences," David said.

After (distinct voices):

• "This feels wrong," Tom said.
• "Run the numbers twice," Sarah said.
• "Father always said measure twice, cut once," David said.

Same hesitation. Three different ways to express it. Three different characters.

Action step

Do the highlighter test. Color-code your characters' dialogue. If you can swap names without noticing, sharpen each voice profile. Give each character three signature elements: a vocabulary choice, a sentence rhythm, and a way of deflecting uncomfortable topics. Then rewrite problem sections with those elements in mind.

Missing Subtext and Weak Power Dynamics

Tension lives under the words. If every line says the thing outright, the scene goes flat. Readers stop leaning in. They stop reading between the lines, because there is nothing between the lines.

Subtext is the unsaid truth pressing on the spoken words. Power dynamics are who holds the floor, who dodges, who yields. Get both working and even small talk hums.

On-the-nose vs. loaded

Flat:

• "I am angry you missed my recital."
• "I am sorry. I will do better."

Loaded:

• "Curtains went up at seven."
• "Traffic on Sixth was a mess."
• "Programs have dates. Third one with my name on it."
• "I brought flowers."
• "They were for last time."

No one says angry or sorry. We feel both. The last line lands the weight.

Another quick swap.

Flat:

• "I do not trust you with the money."
• "You offended me."

Loaded:

• "Rent is due Friday."
• "I know."
• "Last time you held the envelope, the landlord called me."
• "I said I was short."
• "Not the story you told him."

The goal is the same, a boundary, an accusation. The heat sits in implication.

Competing goals

Give each speaker a target. One needs a confession. One wants to hide. One wants a favor. The other wants out of the room. Let the lines collide.

Example, two coworkers outside a boss’s office:

• "You look pale."
• "Flu."
• "You were with Marcus last night."
• "He plays cards loud."
• "Payroll went missing after his shift."
• "Wild coincidence."
• "Hand me the key."
• "Do not have it."
• "Pocket check."
• "You going to frisk me in front of the plaques?"

A tries to extract information. B dodges. Notice the shifts, short replies, and one last push turned into a status jab.

Tools for subtext

Use small moves that shape meaning without naming it.

• Non-answers. Reply to the question behind the question, not the wording.
  • "Did you read my report?"
  • "You always work late."
• Echoing. Repeat a word to reframe it.
  • "You lied to me."
  • "To you."
• Strategic silence. Put a beat in the air. Use a physical action instead of a line.
  • "Where were you last night?"
  • She flips the lock on the door, then sets her phone face down.
• Metaphor, used clean and fast. Let an image hold the feeling.
  • "How is your marriage?"
  • "We keep the good plates in the box."

Each choice pushes pressure into the white space.

Power is a moving target

Status breathes inside a scene. No one stays on top forever. A raised eyebrow, a withheld answer, a question that forces proof, these tilt the floor.

Watch what happens when the leverage flips.

Start with low status:

• "If this is a bad time, I will come back."
• "It is a bad time. Close the door on your way out."

Shift the balance mid-scene:

• "Before I go, HR asked who signed off on the expenses."
• "I will be right with you. Sit."

One line moves the chair. B had the power. Then proof of outside scrutiny enters, and B adjusts. You feel the pivot in the verbs.

More markers of status:

• High status interrupts, names terms, asks for action.
• Low status explains, apologizes, asks permission.
• Rising status starts short, then risks a challenge.
• Falling status hedges, repeats, switches to questions.

Let those shifts show up in sentence length, word choice, and who speaks last.

Button lines

End an exchange with a line that lands a turn. A reveal, a threat, a choice. Short helps.

• "Keep your hands off my desk."
• "Off your desk, sure."

• "So we are good?"
• "We are even."

• "I love you."
• "You love the story."

The button redefines what came before. It tilts the next beat.

Before and after, with power shifts

Before:

• "Did you steal the watch?"
• "No, I did not."
• "Tell the truth."
• "I am telling the truth."
• "We will see about that."

After:

• "Where is the watch?"
• "On your mind, looks like."
• "It was in my locker."
• "Your lock is old."
• "Key is new."
• "You keep spares in the plant room."
• "You went through my things."
• "You left them open."

Notice the refusal to hold a straight Q&A. One line implies means. Another hints motive. Status moves as proof enters.

Mini-exercise: deflection pass

Pick a scene where a character confesses an affair, a theft, a betrayal. Replace three direct answers with deflection moves.

• Swap one yes or no for a question.
• Swap one explanation for a physical beat.
• Swap one apology for an offer that misses the point.

Read it aloud. Your ear will catch where pressure dips.

Mini-exercise: metaphor pass

Rewrite the same scene once more. This time, trade two direct statements for image-based lines.

Flat:

• "I feel trapped in this marriage."
• "You control me."

Metaphor pass:

• "Every room has a lock, none with a key."
• "You choose the rooms."

Keep the images lean. No poetry fog. You want focus, not lace.

Quick checks while drafting

• If a question gets a clean answer, ask if the scene earns that ease. If not, twist it.
• If both speakers agree too fast, throw in a stake that hurts one of them.
• If a character holds power for a full page, hand the other a lever. Information, a deadline, a door.

Action step

Take one on-the-nose scene. Rewrite it twice. First with deflection: replace three direct answers with non-answers, echoing, or silence with action. Then with metaphor: replace two blunt statements with tight images. Read both versions. Keep the one with higher tension and clearer stakes.

Pacing and Grounding in Dialogue-Heavy Scenes

Great dialogue is a live wire. To keep the current flowing, anchor the speakers to a place, a body, a clock. Without grounding, the lines float. Readers drift.

The “talking heads” problem

Flat:

• "Where were you?"
• "Out."
• "With who?"
• "A friend."
• "I know you are lying."

Looks like two mouths in a void. No stakes. No bodies.

Grounded:

• Rain needles the windshield. Maya keeps the engine running.
• "Where were you?"
• "Out."
• The wipers skip, then groan. "With who?"
• "A friend."
• Maya reaches for the door. "I know you are lying."

Notice the rhythm. One or two lines of world or body, then speech. We track the space. We feel the weather and the car. Pressure rises without a lecture.

Aim for a ratio. For every exchange, drop one to three lines of narrative or interiority. Remind us where they stand. Show a hand on a chair, a pot boiling over, a tie pulled loose. Use small, specific actions.

Walls of text

A long speech with no friction turns into a skim zone. Break it. Either the listener pushes back, time presses, or a task interrupts.

Flat:

• "I knew from the start your plan would fail, because the numbers never lined up and the board never liked you and the market never supports this kind of product during Q3 and we do not have the talent to pull off a pivot, so we need to accept loss and move on."

Reworked:

• "I knew from the start your plan would fail."
• "Nice pep talk."
• She thumbs the timer on her phone. Ten minutes until the meeting.
• "The numbers never lined up. The board never liked you."
• He stacks the mock-ups, edges neat. "They liked me fine last quarter."
• "Not for this. Market never supports this kind of launch in Q3."
• The timer chirps. Both flinch.
• "We cut. We move on."

Now the speech has bones. Objection, time pressure, physical tasks. The reveal lands in pieces, each with weight.

Names, greetings, ping-pong

Dialogue bloat often starts with a handshake on the page. You do not need hello, how are you, I am fine. You do not need names every other line.

Bloat:

• "Hi, Mark."
• "Hi, Sarah."
• "How are you, Mark?"
• "Good, Sarah. You?"
• "Good. Did you see the memo, Mark?"
• "Yes, Sarah. Did you?"

Streamlined with purpose:

• "You saw the memo."
• "I signed it."
• "Then hand me the key."

Cut the warm-up. Keep what adds pressure or directs action.

Yes and no ping-pong drains energy. Swap a few answers for a beat, a question, or a move.

Ping-pong:

• "You took the file."
• "No."
• "You did."
• "No."

Reworked:

• "You took the file."
• He locks the drawer. "Empty, see?"
• "You emptied it."

Grounding without stopping the scene

Grounding is not a paragraph of set dressing. Think touch and consequence.

Quick anchors that do work:

• Temperature. "Sweat runs under his collar."
• Light. "The bulb flickers, then steadies."
• Weight. "The box dips her shoulder."
• Sound. "A siren crawls past the window."
• Body. "He rubs his thumb across the chipped rim."

Tie sensory detail to stakes or emotion. Keep the line tight.

Tempo control

Line length shapes pace. Short lines speed the scene. Long lines stall, which helps when a character avoids, lectures, or lies.

Fight rhythm:

• "Give me the phone."
• "No."
• "Now."
• Chair legs scrape. The phone buzzes on the table.
• "Who is calling?"

Negotiation rhythm:

• "We both know why they want this site. They do not care about the tenants, or the mold, or your father’s lease. They want the river. You help them clean the title, they break ground and you get a plaque. You turn them down, they buy the building next door and starve you out by Christmas."

Now break that monologue with a lever.

• "You are three months behind." She slides a notice across the desk.

Tempo is a dial. Turn it with sentence length, beat placement, and who interrupts whom.

Give the listener something at risk

Monologues feel long when the listener sits idle. Put something in their hands. A toddler on the steps. A casserole burning. A dog straining at the leash. Risk forces choices, which cuts speeches.

Example:

• As Dad explains the will, the nurse wheels past with another morphine bag. The beeping spikes. The daughter stands, reaches for the cord, misses the next two lines. Readers feel the pull in two directions.

A quick before and after

Before:

• "We need to talk about the audit."
• "Fine."
• "Numbers do not match."
• "They match."
• "They do not."

After:

• The office smells like lemon cleaner. Papers sit in perfect stacks.
• "We need to talk about the audit."
• "Make it fast."
• He taps a column. "Numbers do not match."
• She closes the blinds. "They match when you read page six."
• He slides page six across. A corner curls, torn and taped. "You edited after sign-off."

Grounding, stakes, and a prop shift power without a single speech.

Mini-exercises

• Beat audit. Print one dialogue page. With a highlighter, mark lines with no grounding nearby. Add one physical beat every other exchange. Keep beats in the same paragraph as the speaker.
• Objection pass. Find any paragraph longer than three lines. Insert a question from the listener, a clock tick, or a physical task. Trim repeats.
• Name purge. Circle every greeting and name inside the scene. Keep the first greeting. Cut the rest. If clarity suffers, add one clean tag.

Quick checklist

• Where are they, exactly. One fresh detail per page.
• What are they doing with their hands.
• What sound or light shifts during the talk.
• Who holds the floor, and who takes it away.
• Where do you feel the urge to skim. That is where you trim or add grounding.

Action step

Read the scene aloud, or run text-to-speech. Mark every spot you want to skim or paraphrase. Tighten those lines. Add grounding where voices float. Re-balance beats so no one monologue eats a page without friction. Add a task, a clock, or an interruption where pace sags. Keep what moves bodies and stakes. Cut the rest.

Frequently Asked Questions

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