Avoiding Info Dumps In World Building

Gary Smailes | 12 December 2025

What Counts as an Info Dump (and Why It Hurts)

Info dumps feel generous. You want readers to understand your world. Then the scene stalls, the air goes out, and momentum dies. The problem is simple. Pages of explanation do not move a character toward a goal. They pause the story so a lecturer can talk.

What an info dump looks like

• Dense exposition about history, magic rules, or place lore that arrives in a slab.
• “As you know” dialogue where two experts recite trivia for a third-grade audience.
• Encyclopedia paragraphs in the middle of a chase or argument.
• Prologues stuffed with backstory before a single choice hits the page.
• Glossary-in-scene lines. “A warden is a level-seven marshal of the Crown, sworn on iron.”

Mini example:

• Dump: “The city of Tarl dates to the Third Concord. Its founders were refugees from the river wars, who…”
• In-scene need: A guard blocks your hero at the gate. He asks for a Concord sigil. No sigil, no entry. Now the Third Concord matters, because it bites.

Why readers bounce

• Pacing breaks. Action becomes a lecture.
• Tension drops. No active risk, no reason to turn the page.
• POV blurs. Neutral voice creeps in and flattens character filter.
• Trust erodes. Readers feel spoon-fed. They want to infer, not sit through a briefing.

A quick gut check helps. If a detail will not change a choice right now, raise stakes right now, or trigger conflict right now, it belongs somewhere else. Maybe later. Maybe never.

The litmus test in practice

Ask three questions during a scene:

1. Will this info force a different decision today.
2. Will it make success cost more.
3. Will it spark pushback from another person, institution, or norm.

If you score zero, you are likely dumping. Example: you explain the twelve houses of magic while two thieves scale a wall. Useful some day. Not useful during a climb. Swap it for one rule with teeth. “Ink wards burn skin after ten breaths.” Now the climb has a clock.

Common culprits, with fixes

• “As you know, Captain…” Replace with agenda. Have the ensign hide a rule to cover a mistake. Let the Captain catch the lie.
• Flat paragraphs of lore. Trade them for a receipt, a fine, or a posted notice readers can glimpse in passing.
• Prologue lectures. Start where a choice hurts. Tuck origin notes into later scenes where fallout lands.
• In-line definitions. Use context and consequence. Readers learn fast when a wrong move stings.

Short swap example:

• Dump: “Guild law forbids unregistered tools, since the fires of ’92 proved how risky home forges are.”
• Swap: The inspector lifts the hammer with two fingers. “No stamp.” He drops it in a sack and writes a fee on a slip. “Pay by dusk or lose the bench.”

Action step

Open your draft. Highlight any paragraph with more than three consecutive sentences of explanation. No scene goal, no action, no reaction, only info. In the margin, mark what decision or obstacle the info influences in this moment. If you cannot name one, cut or relocate. Save trimmed lore in a parking lot file for later use or bonus material.

One more tiny exercise. Pick one dumpy paragraph. Convert it into a three-beat moment:

• Goal: what the character wants right now.
• Obstacle: world rule blocks progress.
• Adjustment: a choice or cost reveals the rule.

Example:

• Goal: get through the shrine door.
• Obstacle: no shoes on sacred stone.
• Adjustment: the soldier removes boots, pockets socks, still steps wrong, earns a hiss from the priest. You taught a custom without a lecture.

Info belongs where pressure lives. You do not need to hide your world. You need to make it matter on the page, one decision at a time.

Diagnose Exposition Problems in Your Draft

Start with the slow spots. Pages where your eyes drift. Lines you skim during a reread. Those are your smoke signals.

Spot the red flags

• Clusters of proper nouns, dates, lineage lists, or tech and magic specs with no present need.
• Answers delivered before readers feel a question.
• Tour guide description, neutral and flat, with no point of view shaping the lens.

Example of a cluster:

• Lore-heavy: “During the Fifth Accord, Visna swore fealty to Dorek, ruler of the Hegemony in Year 3021 by Ark reckoning.”
• In-scene pressure: The clerk stamps “Ark 3021.” The permit expires at dusk. Now the number tightens the clock.

“Answered too soon”

If a reader has not formed a question, the answer lands with no charge. You walk through guild ranks before a guard even checks a card. You outline plague cures before anyone coughs.

Give a reason to want the answer. Better yet, attach a price.

• Too soon: “Ward-keys open any lock woven in tin.”
• On time: The lock shocks the thief. She jerks back, palm blistered. “Tin weave,” her partner says. “You need a ward-key.” Now the rule rescues skin, not trivia.

Tour guide prose

Neutral language drifts. A camera pans. No one wants to hold the camera.

• Tour guide: “The market spread across the square. Awnings glowed in red and gold. Spices perfumed the air.”
• POV on the page: “Rin keeps one hand on her purse. Clove smoke stings her nose. Two blue scarves by the olives. Guild muscle. She slides left.”

Bias gives focus. Urgency trims description for you.

Quantify the balance

Every page needs goal, action, or reaction. World-building rides along. It does not lead.

Try a margin code. G for goal. A for action. R for reaction. If a page shows none, you found dead weight. If two pages in a row show none, you have a stall.

Pair details with movement.

• “The oath has twelve clauses” floats.
• “Clause Nine voids her license if she signs today” bites.

Quick tests

• Pull the paragraph. If the scene still works, the info is optional. Move it or delete it.
• Read aloud. If you run out of breath before a verb of action, you likely packed the line with exposition.
• Noun density check. Count unfamiliar terms. More than five in a paragraph suggests overload. Replace three labels with one vivid object or one sharp consequence.

Tiny noun test:

• Overload: “He bowed before the Aegis of Sarr, clutching a vith, on Kelnfirth.”
• Leaner: “He laid a silver token on the Sarr altar.” You can seed Aegis and Kelnfirth later, when stakes hook to them.

Run a purpose pass

One scene at a time.

1. Write a one-line goal for your viewpoint character. Make it practical. “Get past the gate.” “Convince Aunt Mei to lend the keys.” “Hide the smuggled vials during inspection.”
2. List only info tied directly to that goal today. Three items at most.
3. For each item, write the on-page trigger. A refusal. A tool. A rule with teeth. If no trigger exists, the info belongs elsewhere.

Example purpose pass:

• Goal: Get past the gate.
• Info needed: Toll price. Passmark rule. Consequence for false papers.
• Triggers: Toll board lists two silver. Guard runs fingers over the mark, ink smears, whistles for the sergeant.

You taught money, law, and risk while the scene moved. No lecture required.

A quick self-audit

• Mark any line with two or more “of” phrases stacked. Those strings often hide summary. Swap for one concrete noun or a micro-action.
• Watch for “was” plus a noun pile. “The history was a record of wars and treaties.” Give one war a scar. Put a treaty on a wall as a framed parchment with a signature your hero despises.
• Track who speaks. If the narrator sounds like a docent, push voice back into the character’s mouth or eyes.

Two-minute rescue drill

Pick a lumpy paragraph from your draft. Time two minutes.

• Circle five nouns that feel unfamiliar.
• Cross out three.
• Turn one into a sign, a fee, a smell, or a bruise.
• Add a verb of action tied to the scene goal.

Before:

“The Templar State formed after the Scouring, when the Nine Cities signed the River Pact to control salt.”

After:

The customs agent taps a plaque. “River Pact.” He points at the salt sacks. “Duty on sacred minerals.” She swallows. Half her profit, gone.

Keep what serves, park the rest

You built a deep world. Good. Not everything belongs on page one, or even page fifty. Keep a file for lore you love. Use it when a decision, cost, or clash demands it.

Readers want story. Give them goals, movement, fallout. Feed context at the moment a choice tilts. That is how world-building breathes.

Weaving World-Building Into POV, Goals, and Conflict

Readers learn a world while chasing someone’s need. Give a character a concrete aim. Filter every detail through this hunger. The page gains heat, lore stops smelling like homework.

Stakes shape perception

People notice what harms, helps, or tempts. Stakes pick the lens.

• Thief in a temple: “Too many guards, too few shadows. Incense hides footfall. Donation box uses brass hinges.”
• Novice in the same hall: “Ash on the altar cloth. Wax pools unevenly. Bell for morning prayers sits crooked.”

Same room, different truths. What a character ignores speaks louder than any guidebook.

Try this pass on a scene. Write one line on the goal. Then list three details the character notices on the way to that goal. If a detail does not serve the need, delete or move.

Tie information to obstacles

Teach rules through friction. Law arrives as a fine. Faith arrives as a deadline. Tech speaks through failure. Magic demands a price.

• Law: “No permit, no stall.” The watch slaps a ticket on the cart. Coins leave the purse. Dinner grows smaller.
• Faith: “Ceremony ends at dusk.” Sun kisses the top step. Doors swing shut. Shoes slam stone.
• Tech: “Filter clogs under mineral sludge.” Water turns brown. Kids gag. Someone fetches a wrench.
• Magic: “Glyphs scorch skin.” A palm blisters. Healing salt foams, and a cough follows.

A rule that draws blood, time, or money makes sense on first read.

Use micro-actions, not abstracts

Skip the overview. Stage a small move with a result.

• Bribing a clerk: “Stamping costs two silver.” The clerk waits. A coin disappears. The stamp hits paper, twice for luck.
• Fixing a purifier: “Loosen the valve, bleed the line, save the filter.” Steam fogs glasses. A hiss turns to a purr.
• Wrong greeting: “Forehead touch equals marriage.” Two teens go red. Aunties shriek. Rice flies.

Every move carries a rule. Readers learn through consequence.

Show a hint, imply the depth

Reveal a sliver, allow readers to reach for the rest. No lecture required.

• Flat: “The city uses twelve guilds, each with codes and courts.”
• On-page hint: A badge with twelve spokes glints on a vest. A porter blocks the alley. “No spoke, no entry.” The sailor steps back.

A single badge suggests structure. Repeated use in new contexts grows understanding over time.

Specificity beats summary

Pick concrete nouns. Add one sense. Anchor with a choice.

• Summary: “The port followed strict quarantine rules.”
• Specific: Ropes pin a red flag to the mast. A bell tolls on the wharf. “Hands off the ladder,” the officer says. “Name, cargo, fever history.” The captain swallows and chooses silence about the cough below.

No history lesson. Only present pressure.

Convert a dump into a mini-scene

Start with one lumpy paragraph.

Info dump:

“Before the Border War, the Riverfolk paid salt tax to the Crown, which granted ferry rights to the Marcher Lords. After a rebellion, toll authority passed to the Guild of Weights, leading to a complex system of stamps and tallies at every crossing.”

Three-beat mini-scene:

• Goal: Cross before moonrise.
• Obstacle: A toll post blocks the bridge.
• Adjustment: Pay, fake, or run.

On the page:

Moon edges up. A chain hangs across the planks. The clerk lifts a ledger. “Stamp?” The oarsman shows a blank square. “Riverfolk,” he says. “Old rights.” The clerk taps a brass weight, thin smile. “Rights end here. Two marks, plus tally.” The oarsman pats a light purse. A choice waits.

World detail now touches money, time, and risk. No encyclopedia voice needed.

Your turn. Grab one infodump from your draft. Boil down to goal, obstacle, adjustment. Write eight sentences, max. Use one object with authority, one price, one time limit.

Build a constraint list

Constraints give shape and drama. Make three lists for the world.

• Costs: magic leaves nausea, firearms draw militia attention, travel eats rations.
• Taboos: no shoes on temple gravel, no left hand in trade, no song after midnight.
• Shortages: clean water, copper wire, and trained medics.

Bake one constraint into every scene complication.

• Negotiation scene plus taboo: A buyer reaches with left hand. The seller steps away. Deal wobbles.
• Chase scene plus cost: A spell freezes a gate. The runner vomits and slows.
• Reunion scene plus shortage: Only one ration left. Two siblings stare at the tin.

Constraints force decisions. Decisions reveal character. World knowledge arrives through fallout.

Practical drills

• Stake swap: Rewrite five sentences from a scene in a new lens. Same setting, new stakes. Lover, cop, tourist, rival. Keep the goal constant. Watch details shift.
• Obstacle inventory: List three hurdles for the next chapter. Attach one rule to each. Fine, taboo, failure, or injury. Plan where the rule bites on the page.
• Sensory tag pass: On each page, add one tactile or audible clue tied to a world rule. Boots squeak on sanctified tile. Metal badges clink near a checkpoint. Do not overload. One tag, strong placement.

Keep the world under pressure

Lore belongs under stress. Scenes breathe when goals collide with rules. Load choices with cost, time, and consequence. A reader will do the math without a lecture.

Teach through eyes, hands, and wallets. Fold context into trouble. Let a scar, a receipt, or a bruise carry the history.

Dialogue, Artifacts, and Environmental Storytelling

Readers absorb a world fastest when people want something. Dialogue earns its keep when each line carries motive. Forget lecture. Aim for leverage.

Give every line an agenda

“As-you-know” drains tension. Replace with a push, a dodge, a price.

• Teach with a hook:
  • “Pay the gate first. Learn the prayer after you pass.”
• Argue:
  • “You broke the curfew.”
  • “No, I bought a patrol pass.”
• Mislead:
  • “Everyone drinks the blue tea. No side effects.”
• Bargain:
  • “Two coppers for a stamp. Or a favor.”
• Test:
  • “Name the Five Vows.”
  • “Truth, Bread, Silence, Fire, and Debt.”

Motives carry lore across.

Use asymmetric knowledge with friction

Newcomers, recruits, outsiders work, but questions need heat.

• A recruit asks, and a veteran charges a fee.
• An outsider stumbles, and a local saves face by lying.
• A newcomer delays a line, and a clerk fines the delay.

A question should cost time, status, or money.

Let the world speak for itself

Small texts deliver large context. Keep them short and pointed.

• Signage: “No charms beyond this door. Fine: three crowns.”
• Oath: “I serve bread before blood, light before coin.”
• Uniforms: Mud-gray sleeves, brass chevrons, red stitch for rank.
• Receipts: “Salt tax paid. Stall 12. Valid until first frost.”
• Graffiti: “Bread for votes. Ask for Nora.”
• Rituals: Five pebbles placed on a sill, then silence.
• UI prompt: “Permit expired. Reapply during daylight hours.”

Readers read before the hero finishes a sentence.

Eavesdropping and media, trimmed tight

Background noise should bite.

• Crier: “Quarantine on Dock Six. Masks on, fines doubled.”
• Bulletin: “Mayor wed a Guild heir. Toll relief pending.”
• Message board: “Missing boy, one green sleeve. Reward: ten loaves.”
• Patch notes: “Auto-lock delays reduced. Night patrol routes updated.”

Snippets set stakes, plant questions, and move on.

Prop chains

Objects teach rules when they pass through hands.

• A ration card leaves a mother’s palm, hits a guard’s ledger, then ends in a broker’s stall at triple price. Economy, power, and risk, three beats, no lecture.
• A prayer string starts on a wrist, snaps during a fight, gets tied to a gate as penance. Taboos and consequence arrive in one sequence.

Track who gains, who loses, and why.

Example exchange, agendas first

Write a 200-word exchange where one character conceals a rule and another exposes it. No line longer than 12 words. Here is one:

“Gatehouse closes at dusk. You will need my stamp.”

“Your stamp or the city’s?”

“Mine works faster. Lines stretch two streets.”

“I see three people here.”

“Old hour. New rules. Everyone knows.”

“Everyone with a cousin inside the office.”

“You wound me. I guide strangers.”

“Guide, or grafter?”

“Speak softer. Walls love gossip.”

“Good. Let them hear.”

“You want safe passage, follow my lead.”

“I want lawful passage.”

“Law favors friends. Make one.”

“How much for this friendship?”

“Two crowns, no receipt.”

“No receipt means no record.”

“No record means no questions tomorrow.”

“Or no refund when guards turn me around.”

“Guards respect my mark.”

“Show the rulebook page.”

“Pages moved last month.”

“Show the notice board.”

“Board burned during the riot.”

“Funny, new paint on that post.”

“City loves fresh paint.”

“Also loves seals. Where is the seal?”

“Seal arrives with the cart.”

“Cart arrives when?”

“When the moon sits high.”

“So after the gate closes.”

“Details, friend.”

“Here is my rule. No bribes tonight.”

“Walk away then.”

“I will stand in line. You join me?”

“I never wait in lines.”

“Then step aside.”

Quick patterns to steal

• Ask for proof. Liars hate public evidence.
• Make the world interrupt. A bell, a whistle, a door slam.
• Let a bystander laugh or flinch. Social norms on display.

Five in-world artifacts to seed

• Entry permit with stamped expiry boxes and a smudged corner.
• Festival flyer, saffron ink, tear-off tabs for stall space.
• Ration card punched in a star pattern, one point per week.
• Airlock error log, lines of red codes, one line circled.
• Prayer string with seven knots, one knot missing after a vow.

Place each where a choice happens. A permit at a checkpoint. A flyer waved during a pitch. A ration card during a market fight. An error log before a hull walk. A prayer string at a funeral.

Bring it all together

Keep every reveal tied to a desire, a price, or a bruise. Let dialogue chase leverage. Let walls talk. Let objects travel. World-building then reads like life under pressure, not a lecture in disguise.

Pacing and Structure of Reveals

Give readers context right before a choice. Earlier, tension leaks. Later, confusion wins.

Picture a checkpoint. A soldier raises a hand. Your thief stops. You drop one line: “Bribes count as treason this week.” Now the choice flips. Pay, bolt, bluff. Information meets pressure. Story moves.

Build curiosity, then pay it off with consequence

Raise a clean question. Delay the answer. Pay it off when a choice hangs in the balance.

• Set the hook early:
  • A scarred coin shows up in three pockets.
• Tease in a scene:
  • A clerk refuses coin with that scar.
• Payoff under heat:
  • Bribe fails during a raid. Scar marks rebel minting. Arrest follows.

Questions without teeth feel like trivia. Link every answer to a win, a loss, or a new problem.

Mini-exercise:

• Write one sentence that poses a concrete question.
• Skip two scenes.
• Answer while a character risks money, status, or safety.

Stagger terms, teach by repetition with variation

Limit new proper nouns per page. Three is a good ceiling. Reintroduce key terms in new contexts.

• First touch:
  • “The Black Tax arrives with first frost.”
• Second touch:
  • A receipt lists “Black Tax, stall 12.”
• Third touch:
  • A widow begs for delay, frost two days away.

Readers learn through use, not glossary blocks.

Quick checks:

• Count unfamiliar names per page. More than three, trim.
• Repeat important labels across scenes, not in one paragraph.
• Swap one forgettable term for one strong label.

Calibrate to genre and promise

Different shelves, different rhythms.

• Hard sci-fi often asks for a small pre-brief, then proves rules through failure. Keep equations shorter than the chase.
• Epic fantasy braids lore into trials. A vow spoken on page four bites during the rite on page eighty.
• Thrillers prize velocity. Clarity first, context tucked inside action. A rule appears, someone breaks it, fallout lands fast.
• Historical leans on texture. Fold dates into invitations, fines, headlines, not into lectures.

Match reveal speed to reader expectation, while serving the current scene.

Map what readers know, not what you know

Knowledge piles up for you during drafting. Readers get a breadcrumb trail. Track that trail.

Build a simple spreadsheet or index card stack.

Columns to include:

• Chapter.
• New term or rule.
• How readers learned it.
• Who this hurts or helps.
• Next on-page consequence.

Sample rows:

• Ch 3. Quarantine zones. Street crier orders masks. Smuggler’s route shrinks. Patrols tighten in Ch 5.
• Ch 6. Salt tax tiers. Receipt shows higher tier at docks. Fisherman loses margin. Dock riot starts in Ch 7.

Reread with the map nearby. The moment a scene relies on knowledge readers never received, fix placement.

Time each reveal to a beat

Pair information with structure. Not to show off structure. To make each beat count harder.

• Setup. Plant a rule in passing. Small stakes. A sign on a wall.
• Pinch point. The rule squeezes a goal. Pressure escalates.
• Midpoint reversal. The rule flips, or a hidden clause surfaces.
• Climax. The first rule breaks under cost, or a loophole saves someone.

Think like a stage manager. Cue lines when an actor steps into the light.

Action step: draft an exposition timeline

One page, no frills.

• List scenes in order.
• For each scene, note:
  • What new term, rule, or custom appears.
  • Who reveals it, and why now.
  • Which beat it syncs with. Setup, pinch, reversal, payoff.
  • Immediate consequence on the next scene.

Example entries:

• Market chase. Guard yells “Red bands pay double toll.” Setup. Next scene, hero rips off a band to slip through.
• Shrine visit. High Priest forbids iron inside. Pinch. Next fight, sword left at door.

Keep this page beside the outline. Update after edits.

Action step: enforce consequences within two scenes

Every reveal earns a ripple. No ripple, no memory.

• Scan the map for each new rule or name.
• Check the next two scenes.
• If nothing changes, add a cost, reward, or complication.

Examples:

• New travel ban announced. Add a roadblock or a forged pass within two scenes.
• Sacred day named. Add a closed shop, a missed meeting, or a public rite.
• Tech upgrade rolled out. Add a glitch, a forced tutorial, or a new lock.

Small consequences still count. A price hike. A muttered oath. A detour around a barricade.

Keep pace with sentence-level control

Slow release does not mean slow prose. Short lines near reveals help.

• One new idea per sentence.
• Strong verbs over labels.
• Dialogue beats carry payloads:
  • “Mask off? Double fine.”
  • “Holiday starts at moonrise.”

If breath runs out before a verb, compression will help.

A quick test scene

Write a 150-word scene where a character reaches for a door. Add one new rule two lines before contact. Make the rule change the motion. Hand pulls back, or slams forward anyway. Either way, fallout hits before the scene ends.

No lectures. No history dump. Pressure explains the world.

Bottom line

Reveal information where choice lives. Tether knowledge to pain, reward, or reversal. Track what readers know. Pay each promise within two scenes. When the story leads, world-building follows.

Revision and Editing Passes to Fix Info Dumps

Drafts love to explain. Readers love to decide. Revision makes those two shake hands.

Developmental pass: outcome first

Look at every info block and ask one blunt question. Whose choice changes because of this? If no one decides anything new, move the info or cut it.

Example:

• Paragraph: “The Guild formed after the Frost War, funded by seven houses. Its colors mean unity.”
• Current scene goal: steal a ledger before guards change shifts.
• Verdict: no choice changes. Move those lines to a sign over the Guildhall door later. Or trim to one label in dialogue when a guard swears the Guild oath.

Quick test:

• Margin note next to each info block: “Change?” Write yes or no. No means relocation or deletion.
• If yes, write the exact choice it bends. “She throws the ledger in the furnace.”

Line edit: compress and put cause on the page

Info feels light when sentences carry action. Swap abstractions for visible steps. Trim qualifiers. Replace “because of” with cause you show.

Before:

• “Because of the embargo, the docks were silent.”

After:

• Sirens moaned. Cranes froze. Crews stayed home.

Before:

• “He understood the Archive banned salt, which meant smuggling doubled.”

After:

• He reached for salt. The clerk slid the box away. Prices on the chalkboard jumped.

Look for helper phrases that stall pace. “Due to.” “In order to.” “As a result.” Cut or rewrite into steps.

Mini exercise:

• Pick one paragraph of explanation.
• Break it into three short sentences with verbs that move.
• If a clause starts with “because,” show the cause one beat earlier.

Exposition parking lot

Never mourn a cut. Park it. Keep a separate document for lore you trimmed. Label by topic. Tag where it first tempted you to explain.

Use later on a need-to-know basis:

• Epigraphs. A line from a charter before a hearing scene.
• Props. A pamphlet glimpsed in a pocket.
• Bonus for newsletters or a site extra. Keep the novel lean.

The parking lot keeps you brave. You are not throwing work away. You are loading a supply shelf.

Term budget

Limit unfamiliar terms per scene. Fewer labels, stronger memory.

Bad:

• “Order of the Azure Dawn, Blue Dawn, Celestial Guard” in one page.

Better:

• “Azure Order” everywhere. One name, one image, no wobble.

Pick the term with mouthfeel. Short, distinct, hard to confuse. Reuse across scenes in new contexts, not in a pile.

Quick checks:

• Circle every proper noun on a page.
• If the count passes three, swap two for plain language or action.
• Merge near-duplicates under one banner.

Beta readers and sensitivity readers

Ask smart, scene-level questions. Not “Did you like it?” Ask:

• Where did you skim?
• Which line felt like a lecture?
• What confused you, and when did confusion start?
• What detail arrived early, then went nowhere?
• Where did you want one more clue?

Give a short survey. One page. Ask readers to note page numbers. For culture or field specifics, add a sensitivity reader. Pay in money or trade. Ask about harm, stereotype, and misuse, not only accuracy.

Continuity tools: a world style sheet

Build a living sheet as you revise. Include:

• Names and spellings.
• Units, currency, ranks.
• Idioms and oaths.
• Calendar, holidays, moons, seasons.
• Tech limits, magic costs, legal penalties.

Add a “first taught” column. Note scene where readers learned each item. This prevents repeats and quiet retcons.

Keep the sheet open while line editing. Fix drift before readers trip.

Action step: clarity and curiosity checklist

Run this pass scene by scene.

• Goal present. One sentence, in the scene, not implied.
• Obstacle present. On the page, not offstage.
• One meaningful detail that colors the world and touches risk.
• One withheld answer that feeds a clean question.
• Zero lectures over three sentences.

Speed tip:

• Write the goal in the scene header. If a paragraph starts to explain, ask how it blocks or aids this goal. If no link, move it out.

Action step: final info sweep

Search for four markers: “as,” “because,” “which,” and any parentheses. Each one signals a clause that might hide exposition.

Test each hit.

• Delete and read the sentence. If sense holds, leave it out.
• If meaning falls apart, split into action beats.

Examples:

• “As the third moon rose, the market closed.” Try: “Third moon rose. Stalls slammed shut.”
• “She stayed quiet because guards walked by.” Try: “Boots passed. She held her breath.”
• “The oath, which forbids iron, applied here.” Try: “The oath forbids iron. She left the knife at the door.”
• Parentheses often smuggle history. Pull the aside into the world. Put it on a sign, a receipt, a scar.

One more sweep for “was,” “had been,” and long strings of “of.” Replace where possible with specific action.

A compact example

Before:

• “The city was founded three centuries ago by exiles from the North, which is why the gate tax exists. Because of seasonal floods, officials inspect every wagon.”

After:

• Rain chewed the road. At the gate, a clerk tapped a tin cup. “Flood week. Toll’s doubled.” Two soldiers pried at wagon boards.

Same knowledge. Fewer lectures. Real pressure.

Finish strong

You owe readers momentum and trust. Trim what stalls. Move what survives to the moment of choice. Park the rest. Keep a map of shared knowledge. By the last page, readers will feel guided, not guided at. They will do the math you worked so hard to learn.

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